Words l SALE!

No, no don't scan this page. There is no sale here. That was just to get your attention. However, now that we are talking about sales, let me mention that many of you missed out the "50% off on over 50 Brands" Sale that was there yesterday at Oberoi Mall, Goregaon, Mumbai.

I, for one hardly ever go for sales. There are too many junked cloth pieces, tornado sized crowd of ladies and girls trying to barge in the store who are armed with huge cupboard sized bags and are on prowl for every piece of cloth that is lying around. Still, I went for the 'Sale' in question yesterday for my first ever live sale experience. So, the sale was supposed to start at 9 am and start it did.

Always be there as early as possible. If possible, be the first person or the first lot to enter the store.

And I reached there by 10:15am. Not a good thing to do, still I was there quite early. The mall was fairly empty except for the Espeda store that had a ration ka dukaan style crowd in front of it. Wonder why? I have hardly ever liked their bags and even if they are good, they are surely not worth the price they demand or the crowd that was dying to get their hands on the bags.

So Espeda was out of my list. Also, I decided to skip the big stores like Central and Lifestyle. Firstly because, they almost always have a huge discount sale every 2-3 months. Secondly, everyone would head there first. Thirdly, I wanted to stay away from the crowd as much as possible. Next logical option were small stand alone stores like Biba, Global Desi, Chemistry. No doubt they had the mayhem too but it was comparatively less. Thankfully, I managed to get good pieces even in the hardly attractive depleting stock.

Always pick up clothes of your size. Don't experiment with new sizes and new styles because the trial room is almost always not accessible thanks to the huge crowd waiting in line to try their clothes.

Post this, I just roamed around checking all the other stores and soaking in the experience. It was already 12 and I was sure that if I want to find good pieces now, it would be akin fighting over food in a relief camp. Hence, I was just stayed away and stuck to 'looking around'.

Just because there is sale doesn't mean you need to buy the whole place or every piece of cloth that comes your way. Go easy and slow and pick the best of the lot which has the best deal. It is okay if you leave the mall/store with one or no purchase.

And here is my learning from the 'Live' Sale experience. Caution - take them with a pinch of salt!

1. Don't wear heels

You are here to shop, that too for long grueling hours and not sashay the ramp. Also, think about fellow shoppers' toes.

2. Water and energizers

Carry them along for we alone know how exhausting is the regime of shopping and we don't want to miss out on energy while prowling there on the lookout of good deals.

3. Bring along husband/boyfriend/male friend/ or anyone who you know and is a male.
They are tried and tested awesome shopping bag holders. By now, they have mastered the art and take away the tension or stress of holding bags from you. Also, this leaves you more energy to focus on the main job at hand - shopping. Thus, bring them along. If possible, more than one so that you can purchase more without worrying about who is going to carry so much!

4. Carry a poker or an umbrella with pointed tip

See, there are so many shoppers all wanting to get the best deals. What if they want the same dress as you do! Holy Lord! Horror dream and nightmare na? How to escape this? Simple. Carry a poker or umbrella with a pointed tip. The moment she turns with your wanted dress, poke and surprise her. She would get into a fight with the lady behind her thinking that she is the culprit while you can run away with your dress! Bazinga!

5. Carry Deo

At the time of sale, the store is as packed as a ladies compartment of Mumbai Local. You will come out of it looking like you have just fought a tornado but atleast you would smell good.

6. Change your ringtone to gunshots

It helps in making way in the crowd. Just don't use it too often in front of the same crowd. Studies show that in this way the effect reduces once they know it is your ringtone.

7. Carry a folding chair

Coz there is no fucking place to sit! Here you are doing such a toiling exercise and there is no place to rest for 2 mins, gather your energy and get back to the job in hand! I cry unfair! A folding chair is the best thing in such a case. Use it while you are standing in the purchase line or the trial room waiting line or outside the store while waiting your turn to enter.

8. Ear buds
Loud music blasting from the store speakers, the chatter mutter from the crowd will otherwise kill your peace. Those ear buds or noise cancellation headphones will ensure you atleast have your peace while shopping.

9. Train yourself

Shopping is an exhaustive regime. It breaks down the best of the best. Hence, to ensure that you are able to shop without getting tired midway, start building your stamina atleast 2 weeks prior to sale. Carry weights, walk with tying weights around your ankle, run 5 kms a day, eat healthy, abstain from alcohol and ciggies to have the necessary stamina to shop. Shopping ain't as easy as it seems!

10. Rob a bank

The best and easiest way to buy all the deals available and make the most of the sale is to rob a bank. Agreed, robbing a bank is tiresome but there is no gain if there is no pain! There are many movies and shows that should help you learn the tricks of robbing the bank, so learning and carrying out the action would not be a big problem for you. If ever you feel there is lack of motivation, just remember the 'Big Sale' for which you are taking so much effort!

All set then?